Sex, Sugar & Spice

How many sexual partners is average and why do we care?

Let’s start off by looking at some statistics: The CDC (Centres for Disease Control and Prevention) surveyed Men and Women between the ages of 25 and 44 (considered ‘sexually experienced’) about the number of sexual partners they have had in a lifetime. The CDC defined sexual partner as someone they’ve had any sexual contact with: vaginally, orally, or anally.

The numbers between 2002 and 2015 seemed to remain pretty consistent:

2002                                 2006-2010                     2011-2015

Men                  6.7                                     6.0                                  6.1

Women            3.8                                     3.9                                  4.2

A couple of things to note: The first is that the survey relied on self-reported numbers, which are obviously subject to a number of biases (especially social). The second is that as expected, men’s responses were higher than women’s’.

This test also did not account for anyone under the age of 25, which (from what I’ve seen at University) could greatly skew the averages. The CDC did, however, conduct the same research using participants aged 15+ but they were looking at how many people in that age range have had more than 4 sexual partners in the last 12 months. These 1-year averages were as follows:

                              2002                                2006-2010                     2011-2015

Men                     4.6%                                 3.9%                               4%

Women              2.4%                                 1.8%                                1.7%

Once again, we see that the women’s numbers are significantly lower than the men’s, and the percentage drops for both between 2002 and 2006. It’s up to you to decide how reliable you think these figures are, but just to verify, as I type this I have my own sexual partners survey being circulated which you can take at the bottom of this article…

So, now that the statistics are out of the way, let’s talk taboo. I’m sure we’ve all observed, at some point in our lives, men being praised for the number of sexual partners, and women being degraded for the number of theirs. In fact, you hear those stories of fathers taking their sons to brothels to lose their virginity, but what’s the stereotypical response when it comes to fathers and their daughters? Probably something along the lines of “don’t touch her”.

It seems as if from the beginning there’s already this strong gender divide, release the boys and protect the girls. Of course, in neither theory or practise, would that work.

Why do people care?

There are two issues that need addressing here, one is more specific to sex, the other is a much larger problem. Firstly, it’s okay to ask and be wary about how many sexual partners someone has had, quite simply, because the more partners someone has had, the more chance that they’ve come into contact with someone who has STDs.

However, a solution to asking how many partners is to simply ask whether they use protection, and when the last time they were tested was, another solution is to ensure that you get tested yourself. I have friends who get tested every month, regardless of how many people they have slept with. It’s good practice, and proper examinations can also help to detect early signs of larger problems such as cervical, testicular, bowel, and urinary tract infections and cancers. Apart from this, there seems to be no other reason to ever ask how many sexual partners someone has had.

The wider problem: Sex is unfortunately still a taboo. Although shops like Ann Summers are bringing sex and sexual acceptance onto our high streets, we’re still a long way from sexual freedom, sex free from judgement. I must admit, I was concerned when starting this blog as to whether it would affect my career prospects if any potential interviewers/employers saw it. It’s still a concern of mine, but why should it be? Sex is a normal part of life, it’s procreation and pleasure-why should we be afraid of pleasure?

Unfortunately, as the act of sex itself is still somewhat of a taboo, when you have many partners, words like ‘whore’ and ‘slut’ are tossed around freely and used to degrade. So what’s the solution? Do we stop using these words, or do we take the negative power away from them? What would happen if we began to use these words as descriptors rather than insults? Is calling a prostitute a whore insulting?

The impact of society and environment seem to be the driving factors in sex-shame and sex-shaming, babies are not born feeling ashamed. Like intolerance, shame is something that is taught- we can’t help what turns us on, and what makes us bored. If having multiple partners keeps sex exciting for you then don’t be ashamed of it. In fact, being unashamed and able to discuss your sexual preferences is a large part of the whole social paradigm of sex.

One of the key parts of sex, is consent; if you can’t discuss what you like with people then how will you ever give your informed consent? This extends to your number of sexual partners, if you do not wish to have a monogamous relationship then don’t be afraid to let people know, not only does it save awkward situations but hopefully it’ll avoid people getting hurt.

Overall, whether your figures are average, below or above, or whether you believe in the accuracy of the averages at all, the take away from this should be that any shame you feel over your partners is learned, and as such, it can be unlearned. Be willing to share, be open, and be receptive and tolerant and hopefully one day, we’ll just be pleased that people have found what works for them.

 

Please click this link to take the anonymous survey: https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/96BLLH3

 

Current survey results (as of 16:00, 13/10/17)

• 60% of those surveyed claim to have had more than 9 sexual partners in their lifetime
• Out of those 60%, over two-thirds claim to have had more than 25 sexual partners
• The majority of respondents identify as female
• The more sexual partners’ respondents have had, the more likely they are to be comfortable with disclosing that number
• 100% of respondents believe that people are judged negatively on the number of sexual partners they have had.

*Results will be systematically updated.

✯✯✯ (3 stars)

Info

Name: Signature Remote Control Love Egg

Retail: £35

Shop/Brand: Ann Summers

Type: Remote controlled vibrator

Properties: waterproof, internal use, 10 speeds/pulses, soft silicone

First impressions

From the outset, I knew that this product might not do too much for me, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s not necessarily the actual vibe itself that you would buy a love egg for; it’s much more for the experience. This means that my relationship to love eggs is a complicated one, as usual, the larger shape and general ‘buzz’ doesn’t do much for me sexually, but being able to have a remote that you can give to your partner is what really elevates this product. Also, the shape and size make it comfortable to wear out in public (if you want to be really naughty) which of course adds another layer of excitement!

The soft silicone, as usual, is wonderful to touch, and although I admit the egg does look scarily big when you first take it out of the packet, it’s a good size for insertion without causing discomfort if you’re not necessarily in the ‘mood’ at the time. The attached loop isn’t distracting when it’s hanging out and makes for easy removal.

The vibration speeds are fun to play around with but can be a bit of a surprise if your partner loses track of which setting they’ve put it on. As they can’t feel what’s happening, you have to really trust them to be nice!

Improvements

Honestly, due to the nature of the product, I wouldn’t say there are many improvements, There is potential for a change in shape, and maybe some texture to be added, but as it’s made for prolonged wear, this may become uncomfortable after a while

Final thoughts

If you don’t have a love egg in your collection already-add one, especially if you have a naughty partner! Even if the actual vibrations don’t do much for you, I promise the thought of having someone else being in complete control will-especially if you dare to take it outside!

DISCLAIMER: As always, the opinions expressed in this post are my personal opinions and are not meant to cause harm or offence to the mentioned companies or products, or those who enjoy using them.

*All images from http://www.annsummers.com

✯✯ ( 2 Stars)

Info

Name: Moregasm Move Clit Stim Vibrator

Retail: £50

Shop/Brand: Ann Summers/Rampant Rabbit

Type: Clit stim vibrator

Properties: silicone, rechargeable, rotating, vibrating, external use, 3 vibe/pulse settings

First impressions

I was excited to finally own this product, I had seen it on a number of occasions and loved the fact that the head rotated. I had high hopes, as other products this large haven’t done anything for me before, but the individual nodes on the head made me hopeful that it would produce some response. Unfortunately, I was disappointed.

The movement alone is great-it’s very well engineered, unfortunately, it’s not strong enough to move when pressed against you with any amount of pressure, meaning that to get the benefit of the movement, you have to hold it very lightly and above your clit, which ruins the point of the product. Once I had found a good positioning to allow for the functions as well as getting some sensation, I found that it really did nothing for me. It was very difficult to angle it right and even then it hit too many areas for it to be at all intense.

The fact that it’s rechargeable is great-I know I’ve complained about awkward batteries before, and batteries, as they run out, have a tendency to ruin the intensity of products. It’s also a good shape and size-not too big, and when used with lube it produces slightly more feeling.

Improvements

A major improvement for this product would be to have the nodes in the middle significantly longer so they can reach the clit whilst the shorter ones around the edge produce a general buss around the surrounding nerve endings.

Final thoughts

I can’t help thinking that this product might be great if marketed as a massager, I can imagine that it would work well on other erogenous areas such as nipples (especially when paired with lube) but as it’s marketed as a clit stim it gets 2 stars-just. For the price, I’d really expect more.

 

DISCLAIMER: As always, the opinions expressed in this post are my personal opinions and are not meant to cause harm or offence to the mentioned companies or products, or those who enjoy using them.

*All images from http://www.annsummers.com

Just like genitals, breasts are different and unique for everyone! Your breasts and the tissue inside them change consistently throughout your life due to SO many factors, they also play a huge role in feeding babies, but there’s no shame if you never had the chance/ability to do that, everyone’s different and we should embrace it! Not all cultures see breasts as anything sexual, in my opinion, I love looking at breasts (especially my own)-I think they’re a beautiful body part and personally believe that sexualisation of breasts is ultimately down to context.

First thing to acknowledge: there is no such thing as a ‘normal’ breast

Generally, your breasts suit your body, but there are several distinct types of breast:

1. Saggy
2. Unbalanced (hypoplastic)
3. Tuberous
4. Small
5. Large
6. Nipple pointed out
7. Teardrop

Obviously, there are different types and terms and we could create a huge list of them all, but most people will fall into one of these categories. Personally, and this was very difficult for me to come to terms with-especially as a teenager in school changing rooms and when I became sexually active-my breasts are asymmetrical (Hypoplastic) but you know what-no one cares! Boobs are boobs and that’s enough for most people!

Why don’t I have cleavage? Not everyone with big breasts has cleavage-I don’t unless I’m wearing a special bra! This is because I have a wide rib cage, so my breasts sit apart from one another, luckily, they’re quite large and very round, which means that with the right bra they can look really good! I’ve seen a lot of these cleavage-enhancing bras around lately, with lace-up fronts. Unfortunately, these don’t really work for larger breasts or wide rib cages, and just serve to pull the very tips of your breasts together, often making them look saggier than they are-you could achieve the same effect with duct tape! A good, supportive bra should do the trick which brings me onto my next point:

GET MEASURED. If I, one of the most self-conscious people on the planet about my breasts (unnecessarily) can get measured then you can! Go every few months if you have to and always get measured again when going to a new shop. I’m 36DD in some stored, 38D in others, and even 40D in some! It’s crazy how much it changes, also make sure you get the person measuring to write down the exact measurements in inches/cm so you know for shopping online. Never be ashamed-they’ve seen it all before-and bras are expensive! Can’t be buying ones that aren’t perfect!

Finally, and I must stress this point-frequently check your breasts. Check for lumps and know your breasts, feel free to study them-be aware of moles, skin and vein anomalies, where and what colour your nipples are, and generally how big your cup size is. If you think you notice a difference, go to your GP, it’s that simple! Instead of going through it myself, I’ve put infographics from CoppaFeel and AXA PPP Healthcare below. Stay safe and stay sexy!