Disclaimer: Before we start and people get their knickers in a twist, this post is a one-off for a laugh it will not become a regular thing. It was requested by Joseph (he even picked out the attached photo) after I made a joke about giving him a good score on TripAdvisor; and will probably be deleted after not too long. As always language alert.
Name: Joseph Batchelor
Retail: His inflated ego makes him believe he’s priceless
Manufacturer: His mother
Type: male, bit of a dick, strong, good stamina
Properties: internal, external, vibrator (kind of), thruster, multiple uses
I expected him to be a decent size, I liked that he can take a joke (and by joke I mean me insulting him every other sentence). I don’t want to admit this, mostly because I’ve made it my life’s mission to avoid complimenting people who have high opinions of themselves at all cost, but he wasn’t actually that bad.
He’s insanely strong and has amazing stamina-like, I have to tap out before he does which is very unusual. He’s up for basically anything and will do whatever you like which is always an awesome trait he can go literally all night, I don’t understand when he ever sleeps. He also likes to be super annoying, eg going to my ‘toy box’ and literally taking them out one by one and throwing them everywhere around my room, akin to a toddler throwing toys out of a pram.
He remembers what you say and what you like/don’t lie as well as remembering little details. He’s literally obsessed with trying to put things up your butt (obvious psycho-sexual issues). He bites, scratches, and doesn’t mind you doing that to him, which is good because I was attempting to keep it down (which really didn’t work, I am LOUD). He’s also perfectly cool with wearing a condom which for me isn’t relevant but it’s good to know that he’s not a silly bitch about safe sex.
He’s not too bad at kissing either which is nice, and he knows how to choke properly/safely which is always a bonus (post coming soon about that). He respects safe words and gestures which is cool and actually communicates. He’s respectful and can do both hard and dominant and super gentle and loving which is nice, especially when he’s been plowing you on and off for a good two/three hours.
Aim. Jesus fucking Christ his aim. I mean, okay, granted he didn’t get anything in my eyes, but my hair…let’s not even go into that. STOP TRYING TO PUT THINGS UP MY BUTT.
Would go again. He knows what he’s doing, and although I always kinda feel like I’ve been hit by a train after (in a good way-if that’s possible) it’s worth it.
If for whatever reason you’re interested in finding out more about this Muppet, his social media handle is @JosephBx